I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
