you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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