I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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