Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
