so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
