Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
