i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
