I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
