I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this just has baby written all over it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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