dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
