At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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