so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My bed smells like the plague
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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