Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize