This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
