he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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