Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
