I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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