i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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