After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
