i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
