I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
