Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
