I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
