Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
