i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
