If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
