When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
