Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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