He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
