ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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