a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...