if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.