i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.