Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
