It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars