Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
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I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
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I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.