I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
