Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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