I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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