I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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