he thought i was a dude.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
