My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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