you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
