Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
