Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
