I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
