frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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