I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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