STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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