He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She told me I should be a condom model.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
