You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
nutella sex= disaster
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
