Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Please don't give away my fajitas
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