totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
