i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
