I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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