tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
