Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
