In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I came so hard my ears popped.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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