So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
