I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I just sharted jello shots
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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