Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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