Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
