turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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