Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
