Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
