I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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