someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
