White coat. Heels.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
