there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
