your parents love me but you hate me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
