took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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