I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
