There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
