Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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