you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
