i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
